SEE Magazine: Issue #451: July 18, 2002

Bananas and Cream
A banana so magical it looks like a noose!

Maybe it was the name: “The Magic Banana.” Or maybe it was the fact that it looks more like a noose than a banana and, somehow, shoving a noose up my vagina just wasn’t all that appealing.

But it’s my job, so, for you people, I did it.

The Magic Banana had been sitting in my inbox for a while along with some other goodies I’ve been meaning to test-drive, like O Cream and the Hammer Strong sexual stimulant capsules for gals. And the All Nite Long pills for guys that Boy recently picked up in New York.

I decided to make a day (and night) of it.

The Magic Banana is recommended for solo action and promised to tone my vaginal muscles with regular use – I figured I’d have vaginal muscles of steel by the time the boyfriend got home from work. As for the O Cream, apparently most women feel a sensation immediately, though it “may take up to three applications on three consecutive days to appreciate the full circulation-enhancing effects.”

I figured a pre-sex night application couldn’t hurt. And I had about an hour to kill before an afternoon meeting, so I settled in for some Banana and O Cream.

The Magic Banana, as you’re no doubt dying to know, is a noose-shaped piece of rope, fused at one end and encased in a flexible plastic tube that you are meant to insert in your vagina.

According to the Web site (www.magicbanana.com) “The Magic BananaTM acts as an extension of your hand, reaching those hard-to-reach places – like the G Spot. ‘A truly inspired device,’ The Magic BananaTM has a tremendous capacity to induce and enhance orgasms in women.”

The O Cream literature claims it can “Take her from 0-10 in 60 seconds, again and again!”

I don’t know that I necessarily want to come in 60 seconds. But as someone who’s been known to take her sweet time, I was willing to see if this stuff could speed things up a little. I did have a meeting to get to.

O Cream’s (www.screamforocream.com) active ingredients are L-Arginine and L-Orthinine. Damina, an herbal aphrodisiac, is tossed in for added effect. It’s also safe to ingest. I considered slathering it on my toast.

Instead I slathered it on my clitoris and, as per the instructions, up under the hood. I could feel it immediately. And unlike other stimulant creams I’ve tried, there’s no menthol, so it didn’t feel like my clit was sucking on a lozenge, which was nice. In fact, it felt pretty good. It wasn’t exactly tingly, but my clit suddenly felt very present.

A little like getting a hard-on, I reckon – you can’t help but be aware of it and all focus moves to your crotch.

In this state, I skipped over the stuff in The Magic Banana instructions about taking time for yourself, masturbation as meditation, setting the mood… blah, blah, blah…

My clit was humming along and it took no effort to insert the plastic loop of my Magic Banana. It made a slightly disturbing floop-flooping noise as I slid it in and out. But it did feel oddly good. Unlike hard dildos and vibrators which don’t have much contact with the inside walls of your vagina where there are lots of yummy nerve-endings, this softer loop contoured to the shape of my vagina. I tried “the double dip” as recommended (finger and banana at the same time), and twisted it about, trying to get that promised G-spot stimulation, but found that moving it in and out, along with clit stimulation, worked best.

Admittedly, it took most of my strength to stop myself from coming inside 60 seconds.